Backup Plans and Working in the Arts

In college, my parents were horrified when I said I wanted to major in theater. I was actually forbidden from doing it, so I just quietly double majored while they didn’t pay any attention to where their money was going. Mentally, I think I was prepared for a Plan B from the get-go. I’ve maintained a substitute teacher license for the past decade “just in case.” Even when my schedule is so busy I can barely function, I keep brokeGIRLrich running “just in case.” A few years after college, I took the PRAXIS, “just in case.” I always had backup plans swirling through my head. I could go back to school for a year and get a teaching degree to go with my English degree. In the last two years or so, I’ve noticed something strange. Other than brokeGIRLrich, I really don’t have a backup plan anymore. I couldn’t sub full time (unless I was completely desperate) because I hate it with the fire of a thousand suns. And as for other skills – I’m not sure I have any. I’ve also been turning over my original backup plan from college – to keep going to school and become a professor. I don’t think 20 year old Mel had a clue how difficult that “back up” plan actually would be. I’m on the brink of going to visit a university I’m considering attending next year and I’m a little overwhelmed by how large of a commitment I’m considering making. I’m also terrified I’m not nearly smart enough to be there. And I’m a solid 95% sure that if I do go through with applying, I’m going to just get rejected anyway. I’m also conscious that if I go this route, the next 5 years will probably have a much lower income than the last few, which the personal finance blogger in me cringes at. Additionally, I’m not convinced that I’d just be trading one difficult kind of job for another. It doesn’t seem like there’s much more stability in academia. Anyway, all of this left me wondering if other people who stick with working in the arts get a little older and a little burnt out and then realize that while they were totally prepared to fail and need a backup plan at the beginning of their career, they are now no longer sure what they could actually do. And let’s be real, the last decade of my career has pretty much ruined me for life. I’ve woken up in a different country every morning for five years. I spent a year living on a train and hanging out with elephants. I wander America and get to eat gumbo down south one night and go horseback riding on a beautiful Vermont day a few days later. None of that even takes into account the rush I get from calling a show or solving a difficult problem and still managing to keep the show running. If only I could figure out how to incorporate weekends and all my family and friends into this life… c’est la vie. I still think it’s probably time for a change, but I’m a little flummoxed regarding exactly what it will be.